Each time you enter a new country, even a new region, you discover so many things: from some new language expressions, to new landscapes and beauty you had never experienced before.
Of course, I am learning so much here!!! I often feel amazed at something new or something curious. That's why, today, I want to share with you some of the conversations I've participated on, I've heard or even overheard here. They are full of the same human worries, happiness, fears... common to all of us, only under a different cultural perspective, a different filter of past experiences and standards of life.
Some are funny, some are touching, others are simply widely unavailable - but not impossible - on a western culture. At least these are things I didn't use to hear when I lived in Europe. All of the same, I will try to make it hard for anyone to be identifiable or identified, as gender neutral as possible - because I have certainly heard them from both genders - and taking as few "literal-liberties" as possible.
Here it goes!!!
"I come from a family of pure vegetarians. Here that is very important for some people, the food you eat even defines the community you belong to. Some don't even eat anything that grows under the earth -no potatoes, no onions, no carrots... - My family is not one of those, but I was still worried to tell them that I had started eating meat. See? What happened was that I was on a trip and I didn't like the veggie food there, so I tried meat. Anyhow. My father is cool, he told me he was glad somebody had finally started in the family. But my grandpa... he will never understand. I don't dare. I haven't yet told him that I eat meat."
"You girls - referring to European women - all look so young!!"
"I only want to marry arranged. Actually, my parents are already looking for a match for me" - But... Are you ok with that? - "Oh, yes. I am already 26, so I am getting old. And, anyhow, it's not like I will not be able to choose. I have it very clear. My partner will have to agree to live in Bangalore and.. (a few other things were said). Once these requirements are met, then I will marry the person my parents will introduce me to. They know me well, anyway."
"I love you but I know my family will never agree to the match. I know it might sound egoistic but I don't want them to think bad of me, so I think we better leave it here. There is no point asking their permission to marry you. They will never agree."
"I have a friend from high school whose husband died a couple of years ago. She was 25. But up north... things are different. She got married at 17 and never finished her studies. She had 3 kids: 2 girls and one boy, when her husband died. Her in-laws told her that they will only agree to take care of the boy. Her parents didn't help her, either. So she had to declare herself and her 2 little girls as widows, and retreat to a life of begging." If any of you cannot conceive what this person was talking about, I will suggest you to watch a painfully beautiful and wonderfully sad movie called Water (2005). Personally, I had seen the movie but I was sure this custom had been eradicated, simply by the mere arrogance of believing that women cannot be still treated this way nowadays. But it turns out that I was wrong, and it saddens me so much.
"Your girls are so lucky that your hursbands allow you to work!"
"Are you driving a car to come to work?" - Are you serious? I hardly dare crossing the road by foot! - "Ah, it's not as hard, plus it always goes slow enough. You just have to keep an eye on the sides and the back and, about all, don't worry for rules. Rules don't work in this traffic."
"They are all upset for what she said, they think its so wrong she didn't know him, they think... 'who doesn't know Sachin Tendulkar?'" - Who? - "Don't say that out loud here, seriously!" On the controversy of a famous tennis player who didn't know one of the most famous cricket stars of the country. As you've heard, I didn't know him either. Actually, I still don't.
"India is a very conservative place. Here, it is certainly ok to show violence. However, it is totally immoral to kiss or hug in public. They are even trying to put a law to make sex education or even talking about sex in schools illegal. So... obviously, sex toys are illegal. There are no sex-shops anywhere. So, when I got all these 'freebies'... well, I was worried that there will be issues in the airport coming back, for me to bring these in. I had a plan to tell the custom officers that they could keep them, if there was any issues. Anyway, is not like I want to keep them myself. I'm giving them away. Do you know any expat that would like to have things like edible vanilla sauce?"
"We have had experience with both female and male gynaecologists and, despite our initial concern" - at a gynaecologist being male - "both pregnancies were very well taken care of and equally professionally. We were very happy in both cases." And the only reason I add this comment is the face of surprise that some in the room had when hearing this and the fact that it had to be noted that men can be as good at gynaecology as women can.
"I'd love to join for a trip but I need to ask my parents and they will never allow" This came from a person over 25 year, with a job and a salary of "it's" own.
"I have made these choices to make my parents happy, even if that's not what I initially wanted. They sacrificed so much for me when I was a kid. Now it was my turn for sacrifices, to make them happy."
"The good people here are the best in the world. They are the kindest. The most generous. The best friends. When you find good people here, you really find the best there is" From an expat that has been living here for a very long time :) I do absolutely agree on this one.
"For anything, the best remedy is always tender coconut water. It cools down your body and it's very hydrating. In summer, you should drink one coconut a day, and you will be good." I can confirm that it works also for silly nostalgy and other dumb states of the mind, not only of the body. Basically, it seems it is a natural revitaliser and energiser and it truly works!
"Don't be nice to rickshaw drivers. Many people here don't always understand that a women can be nice to a man just out of kindness or friendship. Let me explain. When I just arrived here, I used to be very nice and chatty to all rickshaw drivers, ask about their families and their origins and talk about me to them. I did that until, one day, one of them turned around and touched my tit. He was very surprised that I reacted so negatively. I don't know what he thought I was trying, other than being nice. But he got confused and touch my breast and since them I have never again being chatty to a rickshaw driver. You better just tell them where to go and let them drive. Keep an eye that they don't cheat you as well, they always try!!!" Coming from another expat that had been in town longer than me, in one of my first few days. That might explain my rude manners with the men in this profession.
......
In the press, I have read jewels like:
"Kiss of Love postponed as court orders police to act.
The Kissof Love protest against moral policing scheduled to be held on Bengaluru on Sunday has been put off following an order from a magistrate (...) The petitioner's advocate, NP Amrutesh, argued that the event would contravene Section 294(a) (obscenity) and Indecent Representation of Women (Prohibition) Act, 1986.
The petition resulted in the court ordering the station house officer of the SJ Park Police to take suitable action against the organiser of the event (...)" Basically, a court has asked police to stop demonstrators that wanted to kiss in public as a protest. The protest initiated due to events in the past where a couple was severely bitten for kissing in a public coffee place. The protest aim to argue that an act of love cannot justify an act of violence.
"Bicycle pump used in Odisha sterilisation ops.
A cycle pump was used to dilate the cervix of women during sterilisation surgeries at a camp in Angul district (...)
The district medical authorities and the surgeon on duty at the government run Banarpal community health centre, however, defended the procedure as 'routine' in such operations in most government health facilities in the state. This comes close on the heels of 13 women dying after botched sterilisation surgeries at a government camp in Chhattisgarh.
Dr Mahesh Chandra Rout, who operated on the women, said 'Cycle pumps are routinely used in many other parts of the state in the absence of costy medical equipment. There is no reason to make a big fuss about it as it has been proven fairly safe and an affordable alternative' " After reading this, I started voicing out loud my opinion of where in his body this gentleman could start introducing and using his cycle pumps, ideally, until he exploded. Unfortunately, as I was sitting in a public coffee place of a busy mall, I don't think I caused a good impression on the people around, particularly since they didn't know what I was reading :)
"MLA proposes special 'bikini beach' in Goa.
Barely one an a half months after a senior minister (...) called for a ban on wearing bikinis on the state's beaches, Punda MLA (...) has suggested setting up for a special 'bikini beach' in Goa.
(...) He suggested that a fee of Rs. 1000 - about 12.5 Euro - or Rs 2000 per person be charged for entering the special beach." Wondering if they will charge the women for wearing the bikini, the men for coming looking at the spectacle, or both.
......
There are so many more things that I find curious or just different in a daily basis.
But... I guess I, as an unmarried independent professional woman moving alone to live in India, I might also be some kind of a shock of standards, a shaking of conventions, a disruption of norms and an attempt to morals for many in here.
Luckily for me, the majority of the people I've met personally here are simply amazed and curious, kind and healthily surprised and... so so so sweet.
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